I never cease to be amazed at the supervisors that continue to criticize their direct reports. I am sure that they believe that it is helping the other person to improve their performance. In fact, they typically get the exact opposite result.
Each of us processes information based on what we hear. We do not have the ability to distinguish negative criticism. When we are told, "don't do that (insert whatever action is appropriate)". Our subconscious goes to work. Unfortunately it does not process the "don't" part of the command. It only hears "do that". You have seen this concept in ad campaigns where a company will advertise "don't buy a ____". Our subconscious only hears "buy a _____".
This holds true with criticism. The recipient only processes the action that should not be repeated. Instead of criticism, tell people what you want them to do. For example, you have a salesperson that continually misses the deadline for the submission of expense reports. If you criticize with the following, "don't be late with your expense report", the salesperson will act on "be late with your expense report".
Going forward, here is my recommendation - tell people the action that you want them to do. For our previous example say, "submit your expense report on time". You lose no power in the suggestion nor in your ability to take action should the person continue their tardy submission. You also have the ability to spell out consequences if you choose. Remember, the person knows they have been late, your repeating it (especially in a threatening manner) serves no long term purpose.
This lesson is also very true for raising children or coaching sports. Consider the following statements and you should see immediately how they can be changed for more effectiveness.
"Don't strike out" - replace with "Get a hit"
"Don't talk back" - replace with "Talk in a respectful manner"
"Don't fumble!" - replace with "Hold on to the ball"
Next time you have the opportunity to criticize someone, take a moment and reword your comments. You will find that your desired results will improve.
Copyright 2009 - Jim Lindell